Title: TWO SIDES
Chapters: 3 / ?
Genre: AU, romance, angst
Warnings: weirdness and a whole lot of it?
Summary: There are two sides to Kouyou Takashima that only Shiroyama Yuu knows about.
Comments: Well, after almost more than a year, my plot bunnies for this story have made their return. I was so sure that this fic would be discontinued, but inspiration struck me the other day while I was in the middle of settling my feelings between writing fanfiction and growing up. To those who still remember this story, I hope you’ll enjoy this installment and hopefully, the plot bunnies will never leave again.
Dedication: This is still dedicated to the person that inspired me to write Uruha/Aoi, sweetlolixo.
“What are you looking at, Yuu?” Uruha asked as he gazed back at me, lost in the depths of his sorrel eyes, hypnotized by the passion and tenderness that swirled in them, awed and still in disbelief that I was allowed to stare directly at Kouyou, wordlessly conveying all these deep emotions that I had struggled to contain.
My throat felt parched again, my lips as dry as sandpaper as this particular yearning to taste Uruha’s lips crawled into my heart. Was it possible to kiss someone for an entire day? A month? A year? Or even a lifetime? I wanted to find out as I continued to meet those auburn saucers and appreciate the perfect angles of Kouyou’s flawless features. “I just can’t believe that you’re real.” I heard myself reply, my voice low, barely a whisper, like the hush of aster on a late autumn evening. “I really thought last night was--”
“A dream?” He interjected with a cool smirk.
Uruha scooted closer, his long limbs wrapping around my me like a comforting veil, filling my chest with this huge ball of emotions that consisted of security, anxiousness and joy, realizing that it was never easy to have a normal heartbeat when I was with Kouyou, his warm breath touching my face as he exhaled a low sigh. He really did smell of vanilla and cigarette, but tonight, his scent was mixed with a tinge of lemon and vodka, an indication that he had gone drinking before going back to the dormitory. “You just have to accept that your roommate isn’t normal and has another personality that likes you very much.” He answered with a wicked grin, which made my face burn in embarrassment and had me wondering. How could this persona say such things so easily? How could he easily say that he liked me if we just met last night? I wanted to know so much about Uruha and Kouyou, but there were so many questions floating and flying inside my head that I didn’t know where to begin.
Warm fingers caressed the side of my cheek as Uruha leaned closer, a few strands of his golden hair falling over his face like a ray of sunshine. He was so beautiful, so attractive, so gorgeous, so perfect, so... “If you keep staring at me like that, I might melt.”
I quickly looked away and avoided the playful expression that I knew were currently decorating his gorgeous face. “I’m sorry!” I blurted. “Y-you can’t really blame me, you know! I never really had the chance to s-stare and be close with Kouyou like this!” I explained, feeling stupid for acting like a pathetic teenager with a huge crush. But could anyone blame me? I’d always fantasized this moment ever since I laid eyes on Kouyou. I couldn’t help how I feel and act.
Uruha’s melodious laugh crawled into my ear, obviously amused by my reaction, which only made me feel worse. I felt his arms tighten around me, the space between our faces getting warmer as his full lips bestowed a chaste kiss on the curve of my cheekbone. “You’re so adorable, Yuu.” He uttered as he pulled away and spilled those sweet words in the hollow of my neck. “You don’t have to be so scared when I’m with you. I’m not Kouyou, remember?”
“I... I know, but...” I shot back with a deep breath as Uruha’s lips began nipping on that little spot behind my ear. “Having a roommate who has split personality disorder doesn’t happen everyday.” Heat began to course through my veins as Uruha continued to nuzzle my neck, my entire body humming in pleasure. It was so easy to give in and let him do what he pleased, but I shouldn’t allow myself to be swayed by his affection. I wanted to know more about this other side of Kouyou. Squirming against Uruha’s embrace and swallowing a blissful sigh down my throat, I gently tried to push him away and asked, “S-so, how did you end up being inside Kouyou? How come he doesn’t have a clue that you exist?”
The question effectively made Uruha cease from what he was doing. He tore his face away from the juncture of my neck to look at me, a small smile present on his handsome visage, his aureate eyes gleaming with an emotion I failed to figure out but probably bordered on expectation and wariness. “There are a lot of things that Kouyou is trying to hide...” He replied in a deep, mysterious voice that made me hold my breath in anticipation. “A lot of things that Kouyou is afraid of.”
A sliver of guilt slowly slithered in my chest at the answer. I didn’t know much about split-personality disorder, but I learned that people who had this condition suffered from severe trauma and distress. Usually, victims of rape or abuse were known to have it, but I found it so hard to believe that Kouyou would be one of them. Kouyou was one of the sunniest and happiest people I had known, until I had found out about his homophobic side, that is. But he didn’t seem to be keeping some deep dark secret that would cause him to develop another personality. “D-did something happen to Kouyou?” I hesitantly inquired, anxious to hear Uruha’s answer. I wasn’t really sure how I’d feel or how I’d take it if Kouyou turned out to be a victim of a cruel act. If so, would I still have the strength to keep this thing with Uruha a secret and would I be able to stay away from him? I admitted that I liked Uruha because he was a part of Kouyou and he was someone who was willing to give everything I’d ever yearned for, but could I really betray Kouyou like this? Could I continue keeping this dreadful secret from him?
An air of seriousness swiftly emanated from Uruha and together with it, the charming gleam in his eyes dissipated like mist. He placed both of his hands on my shoulders and felt them hold me in a tight grip. His reaction brought a cloud of dread to form thickly in my heart, fear suddenly racking every nerve ending in my body like a lethal strike of lightning. “You’ll know the answer to that when the time comes.” He quietly answered.
I just stared blankly at him, my gaze searching through those warm chestnut eyes that now glazed with dead seriousness. His answer didn’t clear even an ounce of my confusion and had only made it worse. I was about to open my mouth to speak, tell Uruha that he could tell me anything, that their secret was safe with me, but I chose to stay quiet. Even though I was curious to find out what may have caused Uruha to exist in Kouyou’s subconscious, I wasn’t certain if I was prepared to find out what it was.
Uruha’s perfect lips curved up to his signature smile, the twinkle of confidence and passion present in his russet eyes once more as he pushed me to lie down on the bed and laid on his side next to me. The throbbing organ in my chest pulsed faster as he brought our faces together and snaked a lithe arm around my waist, his intoxicating scent rendering my mind useless. Unable to properly think, assess and respond, unable to remember that this body belonged to Kouyou who was innocent to the intimate acts his alter-ego had subjected towards me. “You’re so beautiful, my Yuu.”
The endearment made my heart skip a beat. Despite knowing that Kouyou would never call me that, nor say such sweet things to me, I was happy because Uruha was a part of Kouyou, a part of Kouyou that accepted and appreciated me. Maybe in a way, I was making myself believe that Kouyou liked me too. I grabbed the back of Uruha’s head, running my fingers through his silky blond hair before pulling him down towards my waiting lips, eager for another kiss, for another serving of his addicting taste.
He kissed back with equal fervor, the hand that was settled on my waist now running along the side of my torso as I felt him slip his tongue inside my mouth, coaxing a strangled moan to erupt from my throat. I tightly held onto him, pressing our bodies together as I craved for more of his heat, enjoying everything that he had to give, savoring anything that he had to offer, knowing that when morning comes, he would be Kouyou again and I’d never get anything but the usual dose of hate and acid. I didn’t know if we were ever going to find the strength to stop attacking each other’s mouth, if we were ever going to continue this till the sun peeked through the empty gaps in the curtain that covered the huge window that decorated our room, but I didn’t care if I ran out of breath, if I suffocated or die because of lack of oxygen. Uruha wanted me. I wanted Uruha. That was all that mattered.
I had no idea how long I nipped on his bottom lip and had lost count of the times I shoved my tongue inside his willing mouth. I was lost in the sensation of his lithe arms that held me, of his plush lips that plundered my own and the hard chest that rested next to mine. I felt how his heart throbbed inside his rib cage, dancing to the swift, rapid tune that my own heart was also dancing to, felt his smooth skin shiver and tremble when the intensity of our shared kiss fluctuate to a level that could lead to something much more intense and overwhelming. Maybe Uruha really liked me after all and maybe, I, being the desperate, pathetic being that I was, didn’t really mind giving myself to this enigmatic personality that Kouyou didn’t know about.
Our eyes clashed once more when he released my bottom lip with a lingering nip, wishing that I could kiss him forever, stay locked in his arms and away from the guilt that started gnawing at the edges of my heart and from Kouyou’s fury. The fingers that were tangled on his smooth golden strands trailed along the contour of a perfect cheekbone and down to his red, swollen lips. “I love you.” I whispered as I panted for air, waiting for any reaction from him. I didn’t mean for those words to just roll off my tongue. It was a spur of the moment thing, my lips voicing out what my heart had been trying to scream without my brain realizing it.
Uruha’s pink tongue darted out to lick his lips, the simple act as sinful as watching an erotic film, before those perfect appendages widened to a grin. “Are you saying that to me or to Kouyou?”
I didn’t say anything and just continuously stared at him. I honestly didn’t know how to react, what to answer. I love Kouyou, but then Uruha was also Kouyou. Would Uruha feel upset if I told him that I love them both? I didn’t know a lot of things about Uruha, except that he was more sophisticated and calmer than Kouyou. Maybe a bit more mature as well? And most of all, he could touch and kiss me without throwing up. To someone who was blinded by love like me, those were enough reasons to like this side of Kouyou. “You’re still Kouyou...” I replied as I struggled to keep my eyes on him. “even though you’re very different from him.”
He rolled his eyes, his perfect lips pursed in a thin line. “Don’t compare me to that coward.” He scoffed as a glint of irritation colored the edges of those dark brown saucers. “I’m nothing like him.”
I was shocked with the unpleasant reaction that passed over his beautiful face and without even thinking, I asked, “Do you hate Kouyou?”
Uruha just looked at me for a second before he immediately sat up, turning his back on me to clearly avoid my gaze. “Of course I do! You’re in love with him!” He bitterly replied.
I quickly sat up and tried to look at his face, feeling a little guilty and panicked. I didn’t want Uruha to get mad at me, so I started to explain myself, or rather started rambling nonsensical things that even I didn’t fully understand. “It’s not like that. I mean, I love Kouyou, you know that, but you’re technically Kouyou too, so...”
“Don’t mistake me for him!” Uruha snarled as he whipped his head to look at me, his brown eyes burning red with anger. “We might share the same body, but you damn well know I’m different from him!”
Okay, so Uruha obviously didn’t like being compared to Kouyou and this sudden discovery had me reeling. I stared at him with wide eyes, feeling surprised and dumbfounded, maybe even a little afraid because I knew how Kouyou looked like when he was mad and whenever I saw his beautiful face creased with hatred, I just... “I’m sorry.” I uttered shakily and opened my mouth again to say something, but nothing came out. How could I make Uruha understand that what I felt for him was just as strong as the feelings I had for Kouyou? How could I tell him that I loved him too because he was still Kouyou even though he was a different personality, a different soul? I cocked my head to the side and tried to hide my face, concealing the pained expression that gleamed in my eyes and the tears that threatened to fall. I began hating this situation, angry at the fact that Kouyou was no ordinary person and there were a lot of things about him that most people who knew him probably didn’t even know, mad at this rare occurrence, this twisted chance that his other personality liked me,, his enemy, the person he loathed the most of all people.
Silence began to blanket over us, dividing us like a great wall as I tried to avoid his furious glare. I didn’t know what to do, if I should leave or stay silent and wait till his anger subsided. All of a sudden, I felt like running away from Uruha and yet, the thought of leaving him, being away from him ached like an open wound. I heard him inhale deeply, the distinct sound echoing like the shattering of glass in the quiet room. I felt his hands touch my face again, my breath stuck in my throat as he guided me to face him and meet his gaze, but I didn’t. I avoided staring into those piercing eyes, fearful of the expression I would see in them.
“I’m sorry, too.” Uruha softly said. “I didn’t mean to get mad, Yuu.”
My lips trembled in guilt as I realized how weak I really was when it came to Kouyou... to Uruha. I slowly looked at him, slightly relieved at the tender apology that glinted in his deep aureate saucers.
He gave me a small smile. “You have to understand, Yuu.” He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “If I were Kouyou, I would never touch you like this.” He whispered, his voice low and pleading. “If I were Kouyou, I would never do this.” He placed another peck on the tip of my nose. “Or this.” This time, those beautiful lips pressed against mine for a brief kiss, coaxing a breathless sigh to erupt from my throat at the wonderful shivers it brought. He stared at me again when he pulled away, his eyes piercing right through my core as he spoke. “Kouyou and I are different, Yuu. We are different.” Those were the last words that split from his lips before he bent down and sank his teeth on the hollow of my neck.
I woke up with a start the next morning, my head instinctively snapping to the side to check on the other side of the room, a feeling of emptiness rushing through me when I realized that Kouyou’s bed was empty and his bag, absent from its usual perch on the bed post. Letting out a tired sigh, I rolled to my side and stole a glance at the clock on the bedside table, only to fly out of bed like a rocket when I realized that I only had ten minutes left till my first class had started. I tried to wash my face, put on a pair of clean pants and shirt and slip on my sneakers in a span of four minutes. I ran as fast as I could when I got out of the dormitory, as if a hungry beast was after me. I couldn’t afford to be late for this class. The professor was cruel, strict and I knew he would kick me out if he arrived before me in the classroom. I completely forgot about Uruha and Kouyou and the events that occurred last night. Memories of mesmerizing eyes, fiery kisses, intense touches and the hurricane of emotions that swirled and racked my entire being shoved at the back of my mind as I focused on getting to my class on time.
A flicker of relief and happiness sparked in my chest when I saw other students entering the classroom, knowing that I managed to arrive on time and I was safe from my professor’s wrath. My eyes immediately searched for Kai and saw him seated at the third row, waving a slender hand at me to catch my attention. I immediately went to his side as I panted for air, my vision darkening at the edges caused by the absence of food and exhaustion.
“You’re almost late again, Yuu! What the hell is wrong with you these days?” He annoyingly asked. He was almost scolding me, actually, but I just grinned cheekily at him after taking another deep breath.
“My alarm... didn’t go off.”
He scowled at me. “It didn’t go off or you ignored it? This is the second time in a row, Yuu.”
I rolled my eyes at him and straightened on my seat. “You sound just like my mom. You’re seriously creeping me out.”
Kai pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. He was about to open his mouth and say something when our professor suddenly entered the classroom. I smirked at him and coaxed a darker expression on his face, relieved and thankful that the person I was scared of pissing off saved me from my friend’s nosiness.
The class started smoothly with the professor asking us to open our books and turn to a certain page that contained our lesson. My concentration immediately flew away when I stared at the texts printed on the pages of my textbook, my thoughts clouded once more with Uruha, Kouyou and the intricate relationship I had with them.
“Yuu! Wait up!” Kai yelled as he chased after me. After our first class, I immediately left to avoid him. I knew he would be demanding an explanation as to why I was almost late again and after I give him some sort of fake excuse, I knew he would be lecturing me about waking up on time and the importance of punctuality. Kai was my best friend, but he tended to be my mother at school most of the time and it was driving me crazy.
I walked faster and pretended that I didn’t hear him, trying to think of a way to get rid of him as I stepped onto the grassy ground that covered most of the university’s area.
“For christ’s sake, Yuu! Stop acting like a kid!”
“Then stop acting like my mother!”
“I’m just worried, okay?”
Worried? I wasn’t surprised to hear that. Kai was always worried about me and basically, about everyone he cared about. I appreciated his concern of course and I understood why he was like that because it was in his nature. But I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my bestfriend’s motherly side. If he had reacted like this just because I was almost late for my first class twice, what more if he found out that I woke up late because I had a secret affair with my homophobic roommate’s other personality? I was pretty much sure that he would faint and then declare war against Kouyou when he wakes up.
I let out a sigh as I paused and immediately spun on my heels. I looked coldly at him for a second and sighed again. “Look, I’m alright. I just wasn’t sleeping well these days and I couldn’t hear my alarm for some reason. I promise I won’t be late tomorrow, so please, stop being so motherly. You’re scaring the shit out of me!”
Another pout formed in Kai’s lips, his dark eyes narrowing in disagreement. I knew the thoughts that ran through his head and it wasn’t difficult to tell that he was slightly hurt with what I said. “Okay. Fine. I’m sorry.” He apologized. “But just in case you want to, I can give you a wake up call.” He then suggested with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.
Rolling my eyes for the tenth time that day, I placed my hands on my waist and glowered at my friend. “Kai!”
“Okay! Okay, I got it! You don’t want to! I had a feeling you’d say that!” He said in a defensive tone and took a deep breath before looking at me with his usual friendly gaze and smile. “You know, my mom called me last night and she also said the same thing as you.”
We started walking again towards another building where our next class would be held. A smile immediately curved up my lips at the mention of Kai’s mother. I loved Mrs. Uke. He was like a second mother to me and she always baked her special blueberry cheesecake whenever I stayed over in their house. “See? Even your own mom thinks you’re too motherly.” I teasingly replied.
“I am not!” He retorted. “I just care about people way too much!”
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and we both laughed, a silent understanding passing between us. We continued to walk towards our destination with smile on our faces, exchanging teasing remarks and random thoughts. I was happy because even for a while, it got my mind off from thinking about Kouyou and Uruha.
Our conversation was disturbed though when we met a slender, good looking fellow along the way. Shou, Kai’s roommate, greeted us with his usual gorgeous smile. He was a beautiful, young male and there was this air of innocence about him that was so similar to Kai’s. I sometimes wished that Kai would hook up with him, but my best friend was straight so I kept that thought to myself. “I figured I’d be seeing you guys around here.” He said in a casual voice.
“I thought you’ll be at your part time job, Shou.” Kai said with a look of wonder on his face.
“I just dropped by to see someone. I’m on my way back to the shop.” Shou replied and focused his eyes on me, his gaze lingering on my face for a moment before his doe eyes widened in shock.
Me and Kai gazed questioningly at him.
The surprise on his face was slowly replaced with a sneaky grin. “Well, someone’s obviously getting laid.” He teased as he looked pointedly at my face... No. He wasn’t looking at my face, he was looking at...
“Is that a hickey on your neck?” Kai gasped and lifted a hand to poke a finger at the side of my neck. “Is that why you’ve been waking up late these days?”
I felt my entire body turn cold, my heartbeat sounding like the cry of drums against my chest as I looked at them with a pale face. How could I’ve been so stupid? I was such an idiot! I was so focused on getting to class on time, I forgot about the mark that Uruha had left on me last night! I took a step back and swallowed hard, trying to look nonchalant, thinking of a believable excuse to explain how I got it. A hand immediately flew to my neck, covering the red mark as if it was a shameful, disgusting wound. “W-what is it to you, guys? Stop looking at it!”
Kai gave me a suspicious look. I knew he was wondering how I managed to hook up with someone when I couldn’t even get over Kouyou. He didn’t say anything but I could read every thought that went through his head in his eyes. I really had to think of a good lie to tell him. I looked away and pretended to be fascinated by the random rock that was lying innocently beside Kai’s feet.
“So, who’s the lucky guy?” Shou continued to tease. For a man who looked like an angel, his personality was just as cunning as the devil.
I instantly glared at him, wishing I could shove the rock near Kai’s foot in his throat to shut him up. I opened my mouth to yell at him when a familiar voice suddenly spoke behind me.
“Yeah, Yuu. Who’s the lucky guy?”
A cold shiver ran down my spine at the coldness and malice that tainted that familiar voice, my eyes wide in disbelief and in horror as I slowly turned around and came face to face with the man who had told me he loved me last night.
“Who’s the poor bastard that touched a disgusting fag like you?” Kouyou said with a cruel glint in his eyes and an evil grin on his perfect lips.
Notes: I have no words. I did my best. I’m just happy that I finished this and hopefully, I can really finish this story. To those who have read this, thank you and any kind of comments will be appreciated. Sorry for the long wait and yeah. Please feel free to kill me or beat the shit out of me, whatever. *shifts nervously*