Genre: romance, crack, humour
Warnings: bad language
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha or Uruha/Aoi
Beta reader: candicecandy
Summary: Aoi made a slip and Ruki blew things out of proportion.
For years, Aoi had been known by their fans as a single, lonely, handsome guitarist who had no luck in finding the perfect woman to marry. For years, he had endured being single and devoted his time in establishing his music career. For years, he was suspected as a man who was secretly gay and secretly in love with his fellow guitarist. For years, people had no idea that all along, they had been right, that their ridiculous fangirl dreams of him and Uruha being in love with each other was actually true.
So, there he was, eyes plastered on his laptop’s screen as he talked to his lover of two weeks through Skype, flirting online and exchanging sweet messages and whatnot like a couple who was in a long distance relationship, overlooking the fact that they’d be seeing each other again in the evening because they’d be going on a secret date to the movies.
He was in heaven, his heart filled with thoughts of roses and chocolates, of galloping unicorns and sugar-coated rainbows. He was on the verge of telling Uruha how much he loved him for the thousandth time since their secret relationship had started when his screen shook and a new chat window popped out, Ruki’s name flashing on the top left side of the screen.
Ruki: Are you finished laying the guitar parts on Reita’s song? You’re working on that with Uruha aren’t you?
The raven rolled his eyes in exasperation and quickly typed his reply, his brows tied into a knot. The diva vocalist sure knew how to ruin a moment. Come to think of it, he remembered that incident when the little panda decided to delete that highly immemorial moment when Uruha suddenly kissed him during their Decomposition Beauty Final from the DVD. He somewhat loathed Ruki for that because he thought it was a great kiss and he wanted a remembrance. He was still secretly pining for the lead guitarist at that time and, just like a rabid, lovestruck fanboy, he wanted to have proof that the fleeting kiss really happened. It was really too bad that they didn’t let him have a copy of the entire film.
With a bitter expression on his face, he hit the enter button and sent his reply.
Aoi: We’re still not finished. Still fixing some parts. You’re not in a hurry, aren’t you? Coz the last time I checked, we don’t really have a deadline.
He clicked on Uruha’s chat window again and typed in the message box.
Aoi: Baby, have you finished working on Reita’s song? Our little diva is asking me about it.
He saw the small words that indicated the blond’s activity on the chat window and patiently waited for the other’s response. A bell pinged and purple texts appeared on the screen.
Uruha: I’m still working on it. Wait. Ruki’s online? Why did he have to ask you when he can just ask me.
Aoi: I dunno. Maybe he’s too lazy to scroll down. You’re in the bottom of his contact list, you know.
Uruha: Ah, I knew I should’ve chosen the name Kaname. *rolls eyes*
Aoi grinned and was about to type a reply when Ruki’s chat window popped out again and covered Uruha’s window, the relatively-huge box was shaking and blinking, demanding for his attention. He clicked his pointer on it and read Ruki’s message.
Ruki: I’m not in a hurry, of course. Just making sure if you guys are doing it.
He replied before moving to Uruha’s window once more, hoping that Ruki would end the conversation and never reply again. Just as when he was about to type his answer, another window appeared. It was just Adobe Flash Player nagging him, yet again, to buy the newest version. Well, fuck you, Adobe. His precious laptop was doing fine so he didn’t need to waste money on the new version. He immediately closed the program and clicked the chat window, his fingers flying over the keyboard with lightning speed as he typed. He tapped the enter button and began playing with his iPhone while waiting for his lover to reply.
Aoi heard another chime and saw Ruki’s chat window flickering on his screen. With another bitter roll of his eyes, he read the other’s message. He was seriously hoping that Ruki would finally leave him alone. Maybe he should’ve been more obvious about officially ending their conversation. What the hell did he want from him this time? He bit back a sigh, his plans of throwing acid on his response dissipating as his eyes raked over the vocalist’s reply.
Ruki: Baby? Who are you calling ‘baby’? Wait. Are you trying to flirt with me?
What the hell was he talking about? Baby? He didn’t call the damn midget ‘baby’! That term of endearment was only reserved for Uruha. He looked at his lover’’s chat window and with a sinking feeling, he realized that the message he had typed wasn’t there. He looked at Ruki’s window and saw that the message that was meant for the lead guitarist, was present in the vocalist’s window.
Aoi: But your name already suits you, baby~
What the-- How in the name of seven hells did he commit such a mistake? That was just stupid! Utterly and undeniably stupid! How could he have written his reply to Uruha on Ruki’s window? Did he move too fast? Too carelessly? He slapped his forehead as he gazed at his monitor with his eyes wide in shock. Come to think of it, this wasn’t really a terrible mistake. He could easily get out of this situation, so what was he getting so worked up about?
Aoi: What? I’m not flirting with you!
Ruki: Then why did you call me ‘baby’?
Aoi: I made a mistake, okay? Typed on the wrong window. Now, what do you want?
Ruki: A mistake? Really now? You just don’t call someone ‘baby’ without any good reason! Oh, shit! Don’t tell me...
Damn it!The raven swore as he saw the last sentence in his friend’s reply. Those dreaded little dots were a clear indication that the gears in Ruki’s dirty little mind was at work. He could almost picture the petite male, hunching over his laptop with a serious expression on his face, looking as if he was a detective who was hellbent in solving an unsolvable mystery.
Ruki: You have a girlfriend, don’t you?
A string of curses flew from Aoi’s lips. He had a strong feeling that Ruki would be saying that.
Aoi: What? Fuck, no! We don’t have time to meet other people these days! We haven’t had that privilege since we went major! The fuck are you talking about?
Ruki: Then who the fuck are you calling ‘baby’?
Ruki: I know! It’s a man, isn’t it? You have a boyfriend! Ha! I knew you’re gay!
Aoi growled, now glaring at his laptop screen as he tortured Ruki in his head by putting the ever lovable Koron in one of those deadly traps in the SAW movies. He would really love to see the vocalist’s reaction as he watched his beloved dog wearing a reverse bear-trap gear around his small head. Hmmm… making one designed for a dog would be difficult. He wondered if that was really possible. Maybe he should consider other traps?
Taking a deep breath, he tried to compose himself. Panicking and letting the other man know of his distress wouldn’t help him. He had to stay calm and think of a good way to make Ruki forget his blunder and keep his and Uruha’s secret safe.
He began typing again, his entire body stiff as his fingers flew over the keys of his laptop. He was almost finished typing his reply to Ruki when a new window appeared on his screen.
Kai: Aoi-san, I really want you to be honest with me. Are you in a relationship? Is it really true that you’re really gay and you have a boyfriend?
Aoi’s jaw almost touched the floor. What the fuck? How did Kai know about this? How did he get tangled up in this issue? That damn chibi must’ve told him! Almost smashing his keyboard, he quickly typed and angrily replied.
Aoi: That fucking panda told you, didn’t he? And could you please stop fussing over my lovelife too? You guys are annoying!
Great. Just great. First, it was Ruki who was bugging him and now there was Kai too, trusty leader-san who was worse than that damn midget because of his motherly nature. He took a deep breath and contemplated between getting a drink or smoking a cigarette.
Ruki: Do we know him? Your boyfriend?
That’s it. He needed both! He ran to the small bar in his living room and took a bottle of brandy. He went back to his room and now there were four windows blinking on his screen. The new one was…
Reita: So, I heard you finally came out of the closet. Congrats, man!
Okay, this was really getting out of hand. First, there was only Ruki nagging him about his lovelife and now there’s Kai and Reita too. Did Ruki just announced to the entire band that he was gay without even confirming it to him? Sure, it was true, but Aoi haven’t confirmed that to him either! Really, that damn chibi!
He sat in front of his desk again and clicked Ruki’s chat window, furiously typing on his keyboard.
Aoi: What the hell have you been telling everyone? Kai and Reita just sent me a message and they’re both bothering me about my sexuality! I didn’t say anything about being gay, you fucking midget!
Ruki: You haven’t answered my question yet. Who’s your boyfriend?
Aoi: Why the fuck would I tell you? Leave me alone!
Ruki: Ha! You’re not denying it, so it is true! It’s Uruha, isn’t it?
The angry guitarist almost fell off his chair. How did Uruha suddenly get caught up in his mess? Surely, they weren’t being obvious to their bandmates, right? He was really starting to hate Ruki… having spot on guesses about his love life and sexuality like that. He swore he was going to kidnap his precious Koron one of these days and put him in a razorwire trap.
Kai: So, it’s Uruha? How come you two are keeping it a secret? Aren’t we all friends? That’s very unfair, you two…
Reita: What the-- You’re with Kouyou? How come that oaf didn’t tell me anything? And to think I’m his best friend!
Aoi: Ruki, stop broadcasting your incorrect suspicions to everyone!
Ruki: They’re not incorrect! I know they’re true! Why don’t you just go ahead and be honest with everyone! You’re chatting with Uruha and you call each other ‘baby’! How sweet of you two lovebirds. Ohhhh… Ohhhh... Baby… smooch… baby… smooch… Aren’t you a cute couple?
Aoi watched with horror as Ruki continued teasing him, as Kai filled his window with guilt-tripping rambles about how he had betrayed their friendship and camaraderie, as Reita began to threaten him about taking care of his best friend ‘Kouyou’ and making sure not to break his fragile heart or he would find himself bleeding like an abused puppy in some deserted alley. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, it just did when a couple more windows popped out of nowhere on his screen.
Kazuki: Senpai, why didn’t you tell me that you’re already in a relationship? I know you’ve had a huge crush on Uruha-senpai since forever, but you should’ve told me that you’re already together. How can you not tell your favorite kouhai about this fantastic development in your usually non-existent love life?
Mizuki: Uwaaaaa~ Congratulations, Aoi-senpai! You finally have someone to warm your bed, kukukuku…
Mao: I knew you two were meant to be together! Good work catching the aloof big fish, senpai!!!
MiA: In behalf of Mejibray, congratulations on being single no more! I’ve always known that you and Uruha-san belong together! I’m so happy for you two I want to write a song dedicated to your everlasting love for each other!
Sugizo: I heard the news, Aoi-kun and I hear wedding bells ringing. When is the wedding? Just so you know, I’m willing to be your godfather. Congratulations to the both of you! Ah, I should send a message to Uruha-kun and give him my greetings.
Wedding? What wedding? What’s happening? Why is this happening? This must be a bad dream! There was no way that more than half of the jrock community knows his relationship with Uruha! How could a simple mistake result into this? This horrible, horrible mess! This was impossible! Preposterous! Ridiculous! And all because of the word ‘baby’! How fucked up was that?
His eyes almost rolled out of its sockets as he saw more blinking windows fill his screen. Everyone knew his secret now and it was only a matter of time till this comes out in the open and is retweeted by thousands of his followers in Twitter, shared in countless GazettE fanpages and reblogged in Tumblr. It would be the biggest news of the year and he would be interviewed by Oprah or Ellen Degeneres for being the first ever gay Japanese rocker who had unwantedly outed himself. His parents would weep because there really was no chance for him to continue the Shiroyama bloodline and they would disown him, treat him as dirt and he would be--
Aoi slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring at Uruha’s angelic face. He quickly shot up and looked around, panic and horror evident in his raven eyes. What happened? How did he end up in his bed? Did he pass out or something? How did Uruha get inside his house? And he looked as if nothing happened!
Uruha gave him a weird look and reluctantly placed a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright? Did you have a bad dream? You were talking in your sleep.”
Talking in his sleep? He was asleep? So all of that didn’t happen? It was just a dream? A terrible nightmare?
He took a deep breath and tried to calm down, a laugh threatening to burst from his throat. He was happy, so freaking happy that it was just a really bad and ridiculous dream. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He answered as he tried to catch his breath, smiling a little. “I just had a really bad dream. Like, in my dream, I accidentally sent my reply to you to Ruki and he made a big fuss out of it and all of a sudden, all of our friends found out that we’re together and then I was interviewed by Oprah and Ellen Degeneres and my parents disowned me! It’s a good thing you woke me up because I don’t want to know what will happen next.”
The lead guitarist gazed awkwardly at him for a moment, as if he had gone mad or something. Then, he chuckled and leaned closer to the raven. There was a mischievous glint in his brown eyes as he brought their faces closer. “Maybe it’s a sign that we should tell the others about us, hm?”
Aoi looked warily at Uruha. Frankly speaking, he didn’t really care if people would know about them. But since they belonged to a famous band, they just couldn’t declare their relationship carelessly. A smile slowly made its way on his lips. “Let’s start with Ruki.” He answered. “We must contain the devil first or he might destroy everything.”
Note: This is crack and the last time I wrote one was three years ago, so… this probably sucked. Also, I have no idea if Aoi knows Oprah or Ellen, but he might, ne? LOL. Anyway, thank you for reading my lame attempt at humour and please tell me what you think. ^^