Venomous Liberty

Does anybody know what has happened to the aoi_x_uruha community? How come they don't let members post fics anymore? As much as I'm worried about it, I'm also annoyed.  They posted one entry today and it's a question looking for a certain story. What is happening??? Where are the stories???

In other news, I have a terrible writer's block right now. I can't even write my parts in my collaboration fic with candicecandy. But I'm trying to get rid of it by writing a ficlet. I'm still alive, people. I'm just busy with life, love and earning money. *slumps against a wall* Ughhh... I have a lot of catching up to do. ;A;

I saw a GIF post of GazettE's comment in J-Melo last night and now I'm in tears because of mixed happiness and worry. I'd like to think that this is a sign that they'll also be doing an Asian tour next year and they'd choose the Philippines as one of their stops. Please, for the love of everything holy, please make this a sign. *crosses fingers*

Day two of the dreaded storm. The floods have subsided yesterday, but alas, it rained like hell last night until morning and now most streets are not passable again. My problem, the waters in these streets when I went to work this morning weren't that high and now all of them are non-passable, so the question that is so racking my skull right now is how the fuck do I go home today? All alternate routes are flooded and now I just want to break down and cry because this day has been shittier than yesterday, I'm exhausted as fuck and I have no idea how I can go home later. Looking at those wonderful GIF spoilers of Fadeless and the GazettE isn't doing its magic anymore...

I feel so excited and also nervous for my coming trip. I only have one and a half-month left to prepare for it and it feels surreal. I've never traveled abroad. I haven't even been on a plane before, so I'm quite nervous. I'm not afraid of heights but I have no freaking idea how being on a plane would feel. I just hope I wouldn't scream or cry or demand the flight crew to land so they can drop me off to safer ground, LOL.

Anyway, I do think this is a good start. I mean, I've never really thought about traveling outside the country before. I've always thought such luxuries are only for the rich or for those who can afford it. Hopefully, it'll be a great experience and I'll gain the courage to travel to other countries too. My friends said they'd like to go to Bangkok next year, but I'm not sure if I'll go with them because I have my eyes set on another destination. I really want to go to Singapore or India next year. Basically, because I have a few friends that I want to see or hopefully meet. It sounds so ambitious but if I can go to HK, then I can go to those countries too, right? Maybe I can even go to Japan someday. LOL. But that will probably take me four years... four years that I'm willing to work hard and stay hungry for.

In other news, the GazettE fandom basically exploded yesterday when the teaser and the band's new looks were released. My thoughts when I first saw Uruha's giant diva hat:

IMGONNADIEOHFUCKINGHELLHOWCANYOUBESOPERFECTWITHTHATHATOHLORDYOULOOKLIKEAFUCKINGMISTRESSOFANEVILCRIMELORDOHMYQUEENPRINCESSMYGODDESSTAKEMEANDMYSOULMYENTIREBEINGISALLYOURSURUHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

I cried, rolled over the floor (literally) and I had to cover my mouth to escape any shrieking or humiliating sounds that would catch the attention of roaming bosses around the office but heck, just... damn. I can't wait for FADELESS. It is so going to be an awesome shingle. XD

I feel guilty and I hate it. I usually mind my own business at work and don't give a damn about what other people do in their free time, but I couldn't stop myself from ranting out on new employees that hung around in the pantry this morning and treated the damn place as if it was their living room. I felt pissed because it was peak hours and the possibility of making violations and mistakes are high. Everyone was busy and some who weren't stayed in their workstations and pretended to be busy. I mean, like, seriously, you don't just gather in the pantry and be all noisy and stuff during work hours. So I ranted out to a friend. I didn't mean to tell the higher ups what the newbies were doing but heck, she went on reporting it to our head team leader and now I feel guilty... or maybe worried? Because I don't want them to think that I told on them because I was being a noisy, envious bitch. But then, maybe I was? Well, not really, but as much as possible, I don't like being involved in stuff like this.

I'm starting to hate this day.

I should seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY stop writing or dedicating multi-chaptered fics to people.

I have this strong feeling that "Through Darkness and Silence" is going to have the same fate with "TWO SIDES"

*sighs and kicks nearby object*

On a lighter note, I'm feeling better now and though it's going to be Monday tomorrow, I'm not surprisingly that worried. I don't feel excited about going to work either. i just feel okay, which I'm grateful for because it has been so long since I felt normal. I hope this continues, but then the dreaded family reunion is just around the corner. It'll be this week and it's going to be for three days. My dad wants me to get off from work for a few days and attend, but I don't want to because frankly, I prefer working my ass of at work than deal with the falseness of all the people who would be going there. I'm trying not to think about that issue, though. I don't want to worry about it.

Boredom has struck once more. Pretty much, I've been feeling this way since the year started and I guess the feeling just gets stronger and stronger as time passes. It's hard to stay motivated because so far, nothing really good has happened to me and it turns out that I can't quit this life-sucking job yet at least until September. I'm sick and tired of dragging myself to work every morning and going through my classes with a very flat and bored tone. I don't even know why my students haven't complained me yet and frankly, I don't really care if they will. I just want September to come so I can finally move on and actually look for a new job.

My personal life is also very, very boring... as usual. My dad is still bugging me to go to our family reunion next month and he says I should to get my inheritance. Now, how the hell am I supposed to believe that an uncle whom I've only seen twice in my life would actually give me a percentage of his wealth? Seriously. Some of my friends at work still drive me crazy but I guess they've somehow gotten the idea that I don't like it when they ramble about their fandom or bias to me. Indeed, my coldness towards them had paid off and yet, it's weird because I don't feel anything. I don't feel bad that we don't talk or see each other that much anymore and I don't know if they are concerned with me slowly drifting away from them.

I hope this feeling goes away real soon. It's pretty exhausting to feel bored with life and live like a zombie.

1. See the GazettE live, with my own eyes. Doesn't matter how, doesn't matter where, I will see them and I will work freaking hard to make that happen.

2. Go to India and meet deadlyscarlet. I don't know how long it will take me but I am dead set on making this happen.

3. See and experience spring, fall and winter. I don't care where. I just want to see real snow and try making a snowman or have snowball fights, feel cherry blossoms landing on my palms and see red maple leaves falling down from trees.

4. Go to Japan, see OOR live or any other jrock bands that I like. Visit Harajuku and Odaiba. See Mount Fuji and eat 'real' takoyaki and okonomiyaki. Experience a real izakaya.

5. Volunteer for Red Cross or in any worldwide organization. Help people.

6. Buy my own house. This will probably take me 25 years.

7. Find someone to love. LOL. This. Seriously. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. I just want someone who'll love me for who I am.

Wrote them down to remind me why I still have to live in this world.