Venomous Liberty

I ONLY HAVE FOUR DAYS LEFT TILL I FINISH MY OVERTIME WORK AND AFTER THAT... RIGHT FREAKING AFTER THAT, MY LIFE WILL FINALLY BE BACK TO NORMAL. I CAN'T POSSIBLY LIVE AS IF WORK IS THE ONLY REASON I'M LIVING JUST FREAKING NOW. I HAVE GOT TO FIND ANOTHER WAY TO AFFORD ALL THE THINGS I NEED AND WANT TO DO THIS YEAR.

THAT IS ALL.

WHEN I GET BACK, I SWEAR I'M GOING TO UPDATE MY FIC AND WRITE FREAKING PORN!!!

So, I'm going to work overtime starting next week, which means after my eight-hour shift in the morning, I'll also be working for four hours in the evening from 6 to 10 PM. I'll be doing that for three times a week, which means for three days, I'll only be getting maybe four or three hours of sleep. My friends say I AM digging my grave working overtime and tiring myself out, but I need money and I want to earn more, so this is necessary. If I survived this month, I'll be getting a real part time job next month, which has higher pay and a lighter workload so please wish me luck.

And because I'm going to be hella busy next month, updates for my multi-chapter fic and all the unfinished fics I'm working on will be really slow. Anyhow, I intend to work on them on my free-time. I still have the weekends off so booyah! I just hope I'll survive this month. I just saw my schedule for my overtime work on Monday and damn, I have to talk to 15 students for four hours and only get one break in the middle. I mean, just wow... WOW. It has been a long time since I've experienced that and I'm getting worried that I might really die next month.

I'm realy nervous and a little excited, but I'll just think about the reasons as to why I need to do this: my sister's tuition fee, trip to Hong Kong, Daybreak and Jinsei X Boku. Yes... I can do this!

That I don't need to lose weight... I finally accepted the fact that I really do need to lose weight.

Must hit the gym again.

Must avoid chocolate and ice cream.

Must not eat too much rice.

This sucks. >_<

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS SCHEDULE?

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS?

20-10-20-10-20?

THE ANOTHER FLURRY OF CONSECUTIVE TEN AND TWENTY MINUTE CLASSES.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

AND YES, I'M ABUSING THE QUESTION MARK AND THE CAPS LOCK HERE BUT WHATEVER.

I AM MAD.

JUST WOW.

I AM DONE.

I AM SO DONE.

I thought I've achieved all my goals for this month but it turns out, I'll be failing in one:

The DECADE.

I was so freaking excited when the day of the release came last Wednesday, only to find out that Yesasia couldn't ship my order because they had a conflict with my bank related to my payment. Oh, the down sides of using a fucking debit card. I've been exchanging a couple of emails with Yesasia and have been visiting my bank these days just to get this mishap straightened out and it turns out that the fate of this goal depends on Yesasia... coz apparently, their acquiring bank have already received my payment and they're still waiting for my bank to verify my card... wow. Just wow.

What did I learn from this experience?

Never buy a pre-order item in Yesasia using a debit card.

It was a freaking relief that a friend didn't ask me if I could order the DECADE for her using my card or it'll be a freaking pain in the ass.

So now, I've been stressed out and worried and upset because I so wanted that freaking live DVD in my hands but this just has to happen. Lucky me. =_= And I'm not even sure if I'll really get a proper response or help from Yesasia because shit, once they've decided to cancel my order because my credit card have not been verified then that freaking means that the money I already paid for it has gone to waste... or it'll take me a long time to get it back... but knowing banks... I'm not even expecting anything. Oh joy. Fuck.

And the funniest thing? If ever Yesasia didn't ship my order until next week till Friday, I'm planning to purchase it in CDJapan. Wow. So it's like I paid twice for one freaking copy. Am I crazy? Yes. Yes, I am. I know this is too much. This obsession for this band probably-- no, definitely borders on crazy/unhealthy and maybe even dangerous so if there's anyone who's willing to give me a really hard slap in the face to wake me up from this immense delusion, then please, please do... please fucking snap me out of this. I know it's wrong and crazy and fucking ridiculous but I'm willing to do it.

My year didn't start with a bang, nor was it festive or happy but a lot of good things had happened. I don't believe in blessings since I've stopped believing in any religion whatsoever, but I have to say that I guess I am going to be blessed this year. I managed to get all the things I bought last month and yes, that means I finally got that RnR issue that featured Shou and the good news is, they delivered it to my house and the package was sitting on my desk when I got home last Friday. *jumps in joy*

Even though I said I don't like celebrating my birthday, my friends forced me to celebrate it. Basically, they declared that we will celebrate it and I wasn't allowed to say 'no'. I had no choice but to agree since there were eight of them against one of me, so yeah. We went to this pizza restaurant and it turned out that the bitches had a surprise present which I liked so freaking much because it had cats on it. I love cats and I love anything with cats on it. So yeah, basically I was touched and was kinda happy because I thought they were so sweet and shit and yeah, we ate ice cream cake and it was by far, the prettiest cake I've ever had in my entire existence.

( One more pic under here... )

Then I received some achievements... some awards and stuff because of my effort... I wish they gave me prize money or an incentive for it, but yeah, I guess knowing that they appreciate my skills and hard work is cool. I achieved my first goal for this month and now I'm confident that I'll be achieving the next ones as well.

And most of all, I haven't felt depressed or sad or didn't have suicidal thoughts for more than a month now and I hope it continues. *crosses fingers*

Listening to my iPod this morning. It's on shuffle and Stargazer: by Alice Nine suddenly played and now my feels are all over the place, like all of a fucking sudden, my positive aura just escalated to greater heights and now I feel happy even though I dislike this day, like I'm so freaking happy I want to cry what the fuck. Shou's voice just has that effect on me, I guess. lkgjldejgndlfgjilvndljhonv,sdfn

Then I remember again why this is gonna be a good year and now I feel better and I feel like I need to work harder (yes, a part time job is needed) so I can do and have all the things I want.

I JUST RECEIVED A CALL FROM MY FANFIC TWIN ringo_suki_desu!!!

I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST JOKING WHEN SHE ASKED FOR MY NUMBER AND TOLD ME THAT SHE'LL CALL ME ON NEW YEARS AND SHE DID. SHE FREAKING DID SHFWUGHJKVHSUVHKUV!

I'M SO HAPPY!!!

THAT WAS LIKE, THE SWEETEST THING SOMEONE HAS EVER DONE FOR ME. *starts crying tears of joy*

LIKE, I WAS REALLY, REALLY SURPRISED AT FIRST. I THOUGHT MY SISTER WAS CALLING ME, THEN I THOUGHT IT WAS MY FRIEND IN JAPAN 'COZ SHE UTTERED A JAPANESE EXPRESSION THEN IT TURNED OUT THAT IT WAS RIN AND I WAS LIKE 'NO FREAKING WAY! SHE DID CALL! OMG! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? WHAT THE HELL DO I SAY?'

I GOT REALLY NERVOUS AT FIRST AND SHY BUT I WAS REALLY HAPPY TOO AND RELIEVED THAT WE HAD A NICE CONVERSATION OVER THE PHONE. THERE WERE TIMES THAT WE WERE QUIET THOUGH, WHICH WE LAUGHED ABOUT BECAUSE WE'RE LIKE BOTH QUIET PEOPLE AND WE'RE MORE TALKATIVE THROUGH CHAT OR ONLINE, BUT YEAH, IT WAS REALLY FUN. WE LAUGHED A LOT AND FANGIRLED, CAUGHT UP ON SOME RECENT ACTIVITIES. IT WAS FREAKING FUN I CA'NT FIND THE RIGHT WORDS TO PROPERLY DESCRIBE IT WTF.

BASICALLY, THAT CALL MADE MY ENTIRE HOLIDAY AND I WISH IT DIDN'T HAVE TO END! IUGOEIRGHJHKJHGSODIFUNV]

TT_________________________TT

ringo_suki_desu, thank you for making my 2013. That was very sweet of you! My New Year was actually uneventful. I'm not that close to my relatives so I don't participate in the party but you calling me, hearing your voice on the first day of the year instantly turned this holiday into an eventful and great one. Thank you so much. I love you, twin!!!! And don't forget, I'll get back at you real soon, kufufufu... Happy New Year, my friend~ *tackleglomps you and gives you truck loads of cookies and Grimmjow brownies*

Soooooooooooo... I just read a messy and highly amusing live report of TG's Christmas live and right now, I am crying. Crying so hard. In mixed anguish, happiness and bliss. Reading live reports never failed to make me realize how really awesome the GazettE live is, going to one is like every Sixth Gun's dream and honestly, I'd give anything in the world to see them live.

My heart is breaking... I really want to see them live at least before I fucking die.

My friend, Analyn, was one of the lucky ones who were picked to go to that special live. It was also her first time to see the GazettE live and I'm like happy/excited/jealous for and of her. Like, I have a really strong feeling that I'd be crying like fuck again once she starts telling me her first hand experience of the live and that my feels would border between excitement and sorrow and shit.

I need to get a grip right now.

I must eat ice cream wtf.

I went to work feeling all sleepy and uninspired today. As always, I suffered from the usual weekend hangover and actually looked forward to having a bad day simply because it's the first day of the week and shit always hits the fan on Mondays. I went through my schedule, got slightly annoyed that I have a subclass from an absent teacher and stuff, but surprisingly, I didn't get pissed when I realized that all of my students so far were present. Usually, I'd feel thankful and happy if they're absent simply because laziness is getting the better of me and if they're not present, that only means more free time for me. It turns out that this day is becoming quite the opposite of what I've expected it to be. Not sure if it's because of Shou's beautiful selca that I saw in my hotmail feed today or because of the ice cold coffee that I downed before starting my classes, but I feel good right now, surprisingly positive and very patient. I get immediately pissed when my students sound sleepy or when they can't understand my questions or when they make the usual mistakes they make, but today, I didn't feel annoyed or whatsoever. I just let those mistakes, those little ugly things slip by and continued conversing with them with enthusiasm.

My day actually got better when my 06:30 AM student said he was not prepared for our lesson, but he had his textbook with him. Usually, I'd get really irritated when that happens. So, we went on with our class and even though he struggled to answer the exercises, he still did his best to express themself. The lesson was about 'Driving' and he mentioned that he liked sports cars, so I asked, "Why do you like sports cars?" His answer was, "Because engine sound broom broom!" I laughed out loud and he did too because this is a 30-something guy and he actually went to such lengths to convey his thoughts. I laughed not because of the mistake he made but because he sounded so adorable and cute doing it. All in all, this student just made my day. I really appreciate the efforts he exerted in our class and I hope all of my students would be like him, confident, eager and participative. It was then that I realized that even though I'm sick and tired of this job, there's still some passion left in me and I remembered why I couldn't just give it up. This job is fun and fulfilling although it drains the life out of me most of the time.

And with that I end my rant...

Today is a good day even though it's a Monday.

Tomorrow is even better because it's Christmas bonus day. Finally.